For the past few weeks since mid Feb( i think) the Church's as well as cg's messages have been on the topic of relationship... and I must admit that I'm really having some problems with the handling of relationships in my life. Firstly, it was with some cg members and it was so horrible that it made my exam period tough because I couldn't have a 100% focus as the issues were bugging enough. But thank God, my results turned out good.
But unexpectedly, the relational problem seems to be like a virus that it had spread and affected my thinking towards my closer friends or even just normal friend circle now and I'm beginning to feel that if I don't figure out things well and quick soon, I'm going to have a big blow this time round and lose it all. I don't want 'the cycle' to happen again...I've been trying hard to prevent it from happening since the last two times that I failed because the other party chose to walk out and move on...
Maybe its really true that the more you try to hold onto something..the more you feel that its slipping out of your hand...and at the end of the day...you're going to be the one left standing silly in the relationship.. Should I be the one that quits out of the relationship this time or be the one left quit out on? Probably somebody is going to come along the way and tell me that," hey, in a relationship, it should be commitment to stay, why are you thinking about quitting and leaving?" but hey buddy, I know that and I did that. To every close relationships that I have, I would say that I really give my best or even more and I stayed committed but sadly, the opposite party always left...so should I still be that dumb again and wait for myself to be hurt?
I have really been doing a lot of thinking and its all in a mess that I'm still finding it tough to pen them down here in a logical and sequential order to help me see things clearer. I'm still getting that block. But one thing I've realised that after seeing and been through so much, I've become more cynical and skeptical ever than before...and this is causing me to be so much less teachable. It takes really a lot for a person to be able to convince me or correct my thinking nowadays and this is not a good news. Sigh. And I really don't have that much trust in people that I find it hard to let myself into their life or to let them come into my life also because I fear... this is causing me not to be able to grow the friendships to a closer depth from the surface shallow level with my cg members and classmates or any friends that I made in the last three years.
Omgoodness. This is bad.
But unexpectedly, the relational problem seems to be like a virus that it had spread and affected my thinking towards my closer friends or even just normal friend circle now and I'm beginning to feel that if I don't figure out things well and quick soon, I'm going to have a big blow this time round and lose it all. I don't want 'the cycle' to happen again...I've been trying hard to prevent it from happening since the last two times that I failed because the other party chose to walk out and move on...
Maybe its really true that the more you try to hold onto something..the more you feel that its slipping out of your hand...and at the end of the day...you're going to be the one left standing silly in the relationship.. Should I be the one that quits out of the relationship this time or be the one left quit out on? Probably somebody is going to come along the way and tell me that," hey, in a relationship, it should be commitment to stay, why are you thinking about quitting and leaving?" but hey buddy, I know that and I did that. To every close relationships that I have, I would say that I really give my best or even more and I stayed committed but sadly, the opposite party always left...so should I still be that dumb again and wait for myself to be hurt?
I have really been doing a lot of thinking and its all in a mess that I'm still finding it tough to pen them down here in a logical and sequential order to help me see things clearer. I'm still getting that block. But one thing I've realised that after seeing and been through so much, I've become more cynical and skeptical ever than before...and this is causing me to be so much less teachable. It takes really a lot for a person to be able to convince me or correct my thinking nowadays and this is not a good news. Sigh. And I really don't have that much trust in people that I find it hard to let myself into their life or to let them come into my life also because I fear... this is causing me not to be able to grow the friendships to a closer depth from the surface shallow level with my cg members and classmates or any friends that I made in the last three years.
Omgoodness. This is bad.
Labels: Heart matters
†-Wanz- actioned & cut at 11:21 pm
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