Spiritual warfare...to fight on?

Cabbed down from Boon Lay to JW church just now...Estimated wrong timing so couldn't get to PM on timeat 745pm but thank God, it was shifted to 8pm instead... Was suppose to meet ziwei and xiaowei for dinner at 7pm but mum cooked soup and curry sotong so i had to stay home to eat the liao... Estee and I thot that today's PM will be very siong and end late cos when we enter, we were give a piece of paper printed full on both sides on the things to pray for..haha..but the whole PM turned out to be personal minister time instead..pst derek prayed and laid hand on those ppl that feels that the may be in the midst of serving or having regular attendance but in their heart, they're no longer on fire on God, turning cold and they're slipping away, backsliding or thot of so...blah blah blah...Bingo! that sound so like me right now huh? and so yours truely went down alone..scared and unsure at first...it was quite good..but not enough to 'restore' me fully yet...and at the end, i can only say i'll not leave church, God, i'll try to cling onto Him more, press in and hope that i can get out of the valley soon..I'm sick and tired of it...I really need to be told what is really wrong in my life now..i'm like banging everywhere i go, trying to get out..but i'm like trapped and stuck forever..walls everywhere..Haiz...

I need His touch...i need to get myself tune in to Him...but on the other hand..i'm very sian to...and sometime i wonder..why get myself into all this business? How trouble-free it will be if i haven become a christian cos i wouldn't need to bother abt all these getting myself tune to God, getting to fit into His plan, growing up spiritually..blah blah blah..i like got myself into a no ending, no log-off rpg game, being the warrior on never-ending quest liddat...keep on having to follow the needed path, level-ing up, slaying off the demons and getting to your final destination..You play game also will play until sian..and need to stop de wat...I'm not saying i'm taking this whole thingy as a game becos i know its not...its jus an analogy...so you can either choose to finish this game off and emerge victorious or quite playing and leave it there and switch off the whole system..but the only diff is..you can restart in the game..and play all over and change the part that you don't like abt before..but in life you can never really start all over again literally... so pls don't mess up your life in anyway..cos for me, i realised that when i made a mess...like when doing art...i'll purposely make it even messier like some retard liddat until i shuang..and clean it up later...but too bad, you can't do that with life..so don get urself messed up and push urself even lower when you're messed up? but i did..Haha.. i dunno..i think i'm not making sense..wadeva..you tell me then..hur? There is sth that i really wanna say out of this whole paragraph..but i just can't get it out...ARGH..! Maybe you can help me?

Oh btw, Kelvin and estee got my a roxy top from thailand but i think i can't fit in it...and seeing them both two today gave me silly and funny thots..but i shan't say it here...Haha..Kelvin was very kind to give me and mark a lift home..but too bad..He couldn't sent Adrian back cos bu shun lu at all..So i got a great ride from JW to Sambawang to Sengkang! haha..and we chatted quite a lot... I really appreciate Kelvin a lot! and enjoy having him in my Cg..he seems like a big kor kor to me (not uncle! =p) and i know I can turn to him for some help or advice if i need...hee..and we can definitely have a lot of fun from those ecp outing to bball playing...Still wanna say a big Thank You to him here for all that he had done for me and the Cg even i know he most prolly won't get to read this..haha...