Just read Xiao Wei's post on Righteousness. Great post, reminded me on a lot of stuff!
Sigh. I guess there is still a very long long way for me to go to be a strong child of God...
Seriously, going to school has been getting tougher. Not just because of more workload or lectures getting harder to understand or what, but it's just simply because of the people. It's not that my class isn't good but I guess I just find it hard to clique with them most of the time. But then again, this kind of getting use to, adjusting period should be common for me. Usually I will take about half a year to really find a good group to stay with? But the thing is that, I just feel so thrown into the world out there. My hangout group itself is big- about 9 or 10 of us, all girls. And up till now, I only found out that 1 of them is a Christian. In fact, within the whole class, I only know she is the other Christian. The rest either are of other religions or I haven't managed to find out yet. It's not that they are really bad bad or am I stressing that being a Christian will make them a lot better because I'm aware that there are people who are Christian by name. I'm also not comparing or stressing the importance of religion either. I just feel that they are too world world and lost. And I want to be surrounded by genuine children of God.
From the optimistic point of view, one can say, "good, it's a harvest field." But on the other hand, I really find it so hard to survive. To compromise and yet not compromising.
I'm just so not use to it. After all, during my upper sec, within my clique, all 5 of us are Christian. Even though we've different point of view, even though we do argue and all, but God is still being mentioned and shared and it was the centre of our life.
During my first year J1, within my group again, majority of us are Christians or Catholics. Denise, Jolene, Luan, Andrew, BX, Aud.K, Corny. God is again, greatly mentioned and shared.
Then it was my second year J1, within my 130 130 gang, Val, Mel and I are Christian while PB is not. But then again, God is still greatly mentioned and shared. And even though PB is not saved she is generally open and alright and great.
The point I'm trying to say here is that, I'm so not used to not having a clique of Christian friends in school that can flow with the same frequencies and know that God is placed in the centre of us amidst all that we do. It's so hard to be on my own...
Plus even though I’m the class rep, my position is not secured at all. I can serve, give my best to serve. I can give, give my best to give. But how much issit to serve and how much issit to give and how much issit to sacrifice? How much is much and how best is best? Beside the struggles to adapt to school, it's environment, people and studies. I struggle to be a good leader, to be an outstanding student. I struggle to build great new friendships and as well as preserving the current ones. What more with my family issues and the constant struggle to flow with CG, to grow spiritually...
God, I really need so much more of Your wisdom and strength. All that I'm doing now, I can't do it on my own. I need You...I need You with me daily in life...
Where has your faith and trust go, Wanz?
Sigh. I guess there is still a very long long way for me to go to be a strong child of God...
Seriously, going to school has been getting tougher. Not just because of more workload or lectures getting harder to understand or what, but it's just simply because of the people. It's not that my class isn't good but I guess I just find it hard to clique with them most of the time. But then again, this kind of getting use to, adjusting period should be common for me. Usually I will take about half a year to really find a good group to stay with? But the thing is that, I just feel so thrown into the world out there. My hangout group itself is big- about 9 or 10 of us, all girls. And up till now, I only found out that 1 of them is a Christian. In fact, within the whole class, I only know she is the other Christian. The rest either are of other religions or I haven't managed to find out yet. It's not that they are really bad bad or am I stressing that being a Christian will make them a lot better because I'm aware that there are people who are Christian by name. I'm also not comparing or stressing the importance of religion either. I just feel that they are too world world and lost. And I want to be surrounded by genuine children of God.
From the optimistic point of view, one can say, "good, it's a harvest field." But on the other hand, I really find it so hard to survive. To compromise and yet not compromising.
I'm just so not use to it. After all, during my upper sec, within my clique, all 5 of us are Christian. Even though we've different point of view, even though we do argue and all, but God is still being mentioned and shared and it was the centre of our life.
During my first year J1, within my group again, majority of us are Christians or Catholics. Denise, Jolene, Luan, Andrew, BX, Aud.K, Corny. God is again, greatly mentioned and shared.
Then it was my second year J1, within my 130 130 gang, Val, Mel and I are Christian while PB is not. But then again, God is still greatly mentioned and shared. And even though PB is not saved she is generally open and alright and great.
The point I'm trying to say here is that, I'm so not used to not having a clique of Christian friends in school that can flow with the same frequencies and know that God is placed in the centre of us amidst all that we do. It's so hard to be on my own...
Plus even though I’m the class rep, my position is not secured at all. I can serve, give my best to serve. I can give, give my best to give. But how much issit to serve and how much issit to give and how much issit to sacrifice? How much is much and how best is best? Beside the struggles to adapt to school, it's environment, people and studies. I struggle to be a good leader, to be an outstanding student. I struggle to build great new friendships and as well as preserving the current ones. What more with my family issues and the constant struggle to flow with CG, to grow spiritually...
God, I really need so much more of Your wisdom and strength. All that I'm doing now, I can't do it on my own. I need You...I need You with me daily in life...
Where has your faith and trust go, Wanz?
Labels: Heart matters
†-Wanz- actioned & cut at 12:47 am
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