Fallen

Just finished reading Gracia, Clarice and Huizhi's blogs. Spirit super low now....I feel like a !@#$%.. so tired...speed read thru ALL their posts and i can catch that they aren't doing too bad in life... All promoted..even Clare who almost got retained met the principal and got promoted.. !@#$% How can i ever return to HSC now? Most of my class are still keeping in touch..either same school or same tuition or wadsoever...And the three of them has grown spiritually...Think they are of a higher level than me now..even of them, sometime inconsistent in attendance can be so rooted in God, at least i can sense that deep down in their heart, they really love God...but wat abt me? Consistent in attendance...but how much does He really stand in my heart? I don wanna ans.. but hah, i should be happy right? At least they really have God in their heart and they're doing good... Haha..act nobel ar Wanz? Wadeva... Most of them are working too..and wat abt u Wanz...still sitting at home bumming away...Well, i dunno, but seriously i have never thot of working in my whole entire student life..maybe cos i used to be quite well provided for for everything i need or want...but its not the same now Wanz...its NOT the same... and i don't like the idea of working is because i don't like to meet new ppl..i don have the confidence...i don dare to work...to face the society..say i'm insecure...low self- esteem wadeva..i admit it all...You're a total loser man...studies...work..family...spiritual life...love..you lose it all...WTH...still living on this earth for what.. Read that they quarrel with their mum and all 3 of them felt upset..guilty..wanna change their attitude for their mum..and wat abt you Wanz? Wat abt u? You get upset..you get angry..but u're not guilty cos u feel that it was unjust..u never changed ur attutide for ur mum..u thot of it..but u failed to do it..so wats the use? There's so much hatred...so much bitterness left buried deep down in ur heart...admit it... You can't even secure ur Love also...total loser...So much thot running thru my head now...all areas in my life are seriously %^&$%& up! I'm so tired to try and make a comeback again..like i said before...when things get messy..i'll always make it even messier...like my life now...its in the valley but i'm pulling it even lower... I wanna blog abt happy things also..you think i like to always open up this blog and pour out just griefs only? I wanna be a happy person too..I wanna be on the top..be victorious...who wouldn't.. I'm gonna stop writing now cos i DON WANNA WRITE ANYMORE.. @!#$% Oh yes, btw Wanz, gracia wrote : ms ong is promoted to assistant hod... happy? -wadeva-

When the heart turns cold.When the soul got lost

Wanted to update abt yest's Cg and today's svc..but i can't do it right now..ain't in the right mind...will see how it goes...